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I have collected every staple I have removed from files, and now have accumulated a ball of removed staples the size of a softball, and it is the only reason people ask me questions.
When my boss asked what it’s for, I told him I’m going to recycle it and get some money because you guys aren’t paying me for this internship.
Z, tucker laurens, and Editor are discussing. Toggle Comments
After my internship, I was walking through the Georgetown campus to get some food. There is some high school visitor program going on, so these high schoolers and their parents are everywhere.
I’m walking on the sidewalk, and this lady and her kid pull up next to me to get directions. She rolls the window down:
Lady: “Excuse me, do you know where I can find the Darnell dorms?”
Me: “Yeah, that was my dorm freshman year. Keep going straight, then take a left, and it’s at the end of the road on the right.”
Lady: “We can’t get through that way in the car because they are doing construction.”
Me: “Okay, uhh… try taking a right and then–”
Lady: “You’re coming with us.”
No one had ever asked me for directions and then told me to get in the car and show them. I had nothing to do, so I was like yeah alright, let’s go.
We find the dorms. Her son gets out and goes to do something for the program, and we are waiting on him. She proceeds to show me pictures of her German Shepherd and two cats on her cell phone. It was getting kind of weird so I asked her to take me back where I was so I could get some food.
All things considered, a very odd sequence of events.
Yesterday while working on the hill as a lowly intern, I found myself completing a most unusual and seemingly insignificant task–but because my importance on Capitol hill ranks perhaps even lower than that of the task within my office, and because I had nothing else to do, I enthusiastically agreed.
The task set forth to me by the complacent charlatan whose title is chief of staff was this: “go to congressman alexander’s office and help them deliver peaches, for as long as they need you.” slightly offended, admittedly surprised, and undoubtedly curious, my response wouldn’t exactly bring Proust mind: “ok, sounds good.”
An hour and a half later, after I had completed the deliveries of three dolleys-full of Ruston, LA peaches to dozens of congressional offices full of fatigued, lethargic staffers, I stumbled into the reception area of an office the congressman of which shall remain unnamed.
The receptionist, presumably another intern equally as unambitious as I, stared at the box of peaches I plopped down on his desk with a raised eyebrow. Here is the conversation that took place.
Me: “These fresh peaches are from congressman Alexander. They’re delicious. You guys enjoy them.”
Guy: “Are you from Georgia?”
Me: “No, Louisiana actually.”
Guy: “Why the fuck would I eat peaches from Louisiana?”
Me: “they’re free, they’re delicious, and I brought- -”
Guy: “Look guy- -”
Me: “I”m not your guy, buddy- -”
Guy: “Yeah I watch South Park too, pal. But would you accept, and eat, a sack of potatoes if the unknown delivery boy said they were from South Dakota?”
Me: “Hm, not sure. I guess they would have to be from Idaho.”
Guy (after opening the box): “Two are missing.”
Me: “Yeah, they were casualties if the delivery. I ate them on the way here, asshole.”
Guy: “In that case, I’ll definitely take them. Good day.”
I was recently talking to my friend, the guy from the story “Iced by hot intern.” He was the guy who got iced by the hot intern. Had another run in with the hot intern, here’s how it went down:
Yo I just had another run in with the hot intern
her line: “oh are you checking the fire extinguishers again?”
my line : “No, this sector of the building is secure”
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Some friends and I went to a strip club on an arbitrary Tuesday night. Out of all the strip clubs in the city, I went to the same one that my boss decided to attend for the evening. I ran into him, and my first thoughts were, “Wow, I look like a total jackass. I hope he doesn’t tell anyone at the office.” Then I figured he was thinking the same thing. We decided it was in our mutual interest keep this one out of the office, and we had a pretty fun night.
This is a funny story that is short and sweet. I was sitting next to a fellow intern yesterday and she was trying to figure out how to add things on excel. She kept asking me how to do it and the conversation went like this.
Dumb Girl: “How do you add things up on excel?”
Me: “You are such a noob. Did you not take any excel classes for noobs?”
Dumb Girl: “What is a noob?”
Me: “Someone who gets pwned by me.”
Dumb Girl: “You’re weird.”
Me: “At least I’m not a noob.”
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Tripp and I were cruising around DC the other day. We came up to a stoplight, and next us was an overweight Asian man blasting Linkin Park from his red Mazda coupe.
Of course, we pulled up to him at the the next stoplight blasting Linkin Park from our car as well. We gave him a few fist pumps. He flicked us off and drove away.
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Kind of had to be there for this one, but here it is nonetheless.
The other day, one of my intern responsibilities was checking the fire extinguishers to make sure they had been inspected. And of course, the one day I had to do this, the hot intern (who is never in our building) walks by. Here’s the conversation.
Her: “What are you doing?”
Me: “Uhhh… checking the fire extinguishers. What are you doing?”
Her: “I have a meeting.”
Then she walked away. Iced.
Drew Crowley, Teresa Carlin, Bacaj and 2 others are discussing. Toggle Comments
Omg, what a LOSER!!
Go over to her building, and when she asks you what you’re doing, say “I came over here to murder you.”
Drew, if that’s you, you better not be flirting with this ‘hot’ intern.
In the kitchen at work today, I was watching tv during my lunch hour. I put on ESPN to see how my fantasy baseball team is doing, which is pretty much the only highlight of my shitty day. All of the sudden, this little weiner comes in and changes the channel to Spongebob Squarepants. I was speechless at first, so I just used the remote to change it back. Without any warning, the kid turns around and screams “PUT SPONGEBOB BACK ON!!! I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THIS!!!” Without thinking I yelled back “We’re not watching your crappy show, so quit your whining and get the hell out of here!” The kid ran out crying and the next person to come into the kitchen was my boss who asked “Excuse me, Chris. Have you seen my son? I thought he was just in here.” Well that was ten minutes ago and I’m sure he’ll find out soon enough.
Location: DC
I’m interning in DC this summer. This gem of a story happened outside of the office with my fellow intern.
The other night, it was getting pretty late and a group of us decided to leave the bar. We walked a block to a pizza place, where I find my friend telling some girls that he had just graduated med school and was opening a private practice (false). Anyways, this fight between a bunch of Georgetown guys erupts in the middle of the street in front of the pizza place.
The guys were drunk and nothing serious was really happening. A huge crowd had gathered as they were going at it. At one point, a guy walked away from the fight and bent over to catch a breath. Out of nowhere, another guy comes from the fight and kicks him in the face like David Beckham hammering a direct kick to the upper 90. The guy lands on his back, unconscious. One chick starts screaming, “HE’S DEAD! HE’S DEAD!!!!”
Everyone is freaking out. Then someone in the crowd goes, “Should we call an ambulance?” To which a girl responds, “It’s okay, he’s a doctor” and points to my friend, eating a slice of pizza. He’s about to go check some vitals and do some CPR to this unconscious guy, when a friend of ours from school yells, “He’s not a doctor, I go to school with him! He’s not even a pre-med!” The chick who thought he was a doctor goes, “Yeah, if you wouldn’t be eating pizza if you were a doctor.” Cover: blown.
Trenton, and Cristin Quinn are discussing. Toggle Comments
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Editor 3:52 pm on July 31, 2009 Permalink |
At least you’re the intern who hits home runs!
tucker laurens 3:59 pm on July 31, 2009 Permalink |
Staples are a diminishing resource. This intern is very green minded.
Z 4:06 pm on July 31, 2009 Permalink |
You are a real innovative and forward thinking intern, sir!