ATTN: craigslist is stupid and is giving me an error for my email address. email me at sweeetamerica@gmail.com
Hi bro/brah/girl-bro
listen to this song while reading post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o375ke8Csio&feature=related
We want you to be the best global intern brooklyn has ever chilled with.
We dont want you to just get coffee, we want a chiller to get coffee with us.
Who are WE?
We are four chill bros who just need more chillers. CHILLERS=INTERNS
NO SCRUBS, NO DRAMA QNS, MYT PITCH THIS TO MTV
Things You Will Gain From Interning For Us!!
+++COLLEGE CREDIT (seriously!)
free website FOR YOU (w/ free hosting for duration of employment)
multiple parts in popular web series
4 NEW FRIENDS!
meet very important people in “the business”
one free trip to coney island or pink berry (upper west side location ONLY)
any knowledge you’d like in: computer programming, art history, bicycle repair, circuit repair/bending, expressionist lighting, live sound, music production and composition, geography, mixology, 8bit music, guitar, chilling, cinema.
WE’RE in BANDS. OUR BANDS CONTRIBUTE TO THE WELLBEING OF ‘SOCIETY’
3/4 bros are in Lionshare.
LIONSHARE would expect the following of you: accompany us to all (100%) of our shows (free entry), consume a lot of free booze, share thoughts on unreleased materials, be able to leave a mtn dew in the freezer just longh enough so that it’s a lil frozen but not THAT
frozen. Just frozen enough. Manage the merch table at our shows, manage band out-reach opportunities, test microphone levels on stage, potentially drive us to-and-from shows, 3-4 foot vertical leap male, 1-2 feet female, lock picking skills, understanding spanish or java is a huge plus.
YOU WILL GAIN 10+ experience points in: remixes, producing, songwriting, contemporary art, the internet, reading, getting drunk,
our basement, grilling, teresa banks, our neighbor ricky, live sound, party pics.
BRO BREAKDOWN:
BRO #1; If you were gonna chill with this bro you would be moving around a lot, maybe carrying PAs from show to show. You will def get bought a monthly pass if asked to chill with this bro. you will also have to learn how to do a good headphone mix of a shitttttty fucking club in the 40s on the west side,. ugggggggh shit.
BRO #2: if you were to chill with this bro you will definitely need to <3 reading a whole lot. you will need to love “cinema”. to the max (go
to film forum alot.)
BRO #3: this bros into computer programming, contemporary art and internet shit, like programming. chill on the internet alot. having a delicious account + google voice is a huge +.
BRO #4: Bro #4 is fairly nocturnal. Everyday around 3 pm he’ll get an iced latté. you’d be expected to “come with.” he can wait for you to get coffee. Listening to music like hard techno happens a lot, whether it is “ironic” or “not” should be a debatable emotion for you. speaking french or german is a huge +++
expected hours of chilling a week? 2 -168 hours a week.
LETs meet this weekend/week and interview you!
Yesterday while working on the hill as a lowly intern, I found myself completing a most unusual and seemingly insignificant task–but because my importance on Capitol hill ranks perhaps even lower than that of the task within my office, and because I had nothing else to do, I enthusiastically agreed.
The task set forth to me by the complacent charlatan whose title is chief of staff was this: “go to congressman alexander’s office and help them deliver peaches, for as long as they need you.” slightly offended, admittedly surprised, and undoubtedly curious, my response wouldn’t exactly bring Proust mind: “ok, sounds good.”
An hour and a half later, after I had completed the deliveries of three dolleys-full of Ruston, LA peaches to dozens of congressional offices full of fatigued, lethargic staffers, I stumbled into the reception area of an office the congressman of which shall remain unnamed.
The receptionist, presumably another intern equally as unambitious as I, stared at the box of peaches I plopped down on his desk with a raised eyebrow. Here is the conversation that took place.
Me: “These fresh peaches are from congressman Alexander. They’re delicious. You guys enjoy them.”
Guy: “Are you from Georgia?”
Me: “No, Louisiana actually.”
Guy: “Why the fuck would I eat peaches from Louisiana?”
Me: “they’re free, they’re delicious, and I brought- -”
Guy: “Look guy- -”
Me: “I”m not your guy, buddy- -”
Guy: “Yeah I watch South Park too, pal. But would you accept, and eat, a sack of potatoes if the unknown delivery boy said they were from South Dakota?”
Me: “Hm, not sure. I guess they would have to be from Idaho.”
Guy (after opening the box): “Two are missing.”
Me: “Yeah, they were casualties if the delivery. I ate them on the way here, asshole.”
Guy: “In that case, I’ll definitely take them. Good day.”
I was recently talking to my friend, the guy from the story “Iced by hot intern.” He was the guy who got iced by the hot intern. Had another run in with the hot intern, here’s how it went down:
Yo I just had another run in with the hot intern
her line: “oh are you checking the fire extinguishers again?”
my line : “No, this sector of the building is secure”
BWAHAHAHAHAAAA! That’s hilarious!
Some friends and I went to a strip club on an arbitrary Tuesday night. Out of all the strip clubs in the city, I went to the same one that my boss decided to attend for the evening. I ran into him, and my first thoughts were, “Wow, I look like a total jackass. I hope he doesn’t tell anyone at the office.” Then I figured he was thinking the same thing. We decided it was in our mutual interest keep this one out of the office, and we had a pretty fun night.
This is a funny story that is short and sweet. I was sitting next to a fellow intern yesterday and she was trying to figure out how to add things on excel. She kept asking me how to do it and the conversation went like this.
Dumb Girl: “How do you add things up on excel?”
Me: “You are such a noob. Did you not take any excel classes for noobs?”
Dumb Girl: “What is a noob?”
Me: “Someone who gets pwned by me.”
Dumb Girl: “You’re weird.”
Me: “At least I’m not a noob.”
You killed n00b
+10
fucking noobs
Just wanted to let everyone know I am a noob
So am I Connor, it’s ok. We all can’t be noob pwners like Drew then there would be no noobs to pwn.
I’ll whoop both of your asses.
you’re the best noob pwner ever drew.. i love you <3
frazier cant even kick bennys ass
Tripp and I were cruising around DC the other day. We came up to a stoplight, and next us was an overweight Asian man blasting Linkin Park from his red Mazda coupe.
Of course, we pulled up to him at the the next stoplight blasting Linkin Park from our car as well. We gave him a few fist pumps. He flicked us off and drove away.
linkn park is awsome man
whatchu talkin bout will
i like turtles
Kind of had to be there for this one, but here it is nonetheless.
The other day, one of my intern responsibilities was checking the fire extinguishers to make sure they had been inspected. And of course, the one day I had to do this, the hot intern (who is never in our building) walks by. Here’s the conversation.
Her: “What are you doing?”
Me: “Uhhh… checking the fire extinguishers. What are you doing?”
Her: “I have a meeting.”
Then she walked away. Iced.
Omg, what a LOSER!!
Connor?
Go over to her building, and when she asks you what you’re doing, say “I came over here to murder you.”
Drew, if that’s you, you better not be flirting with this ‘hot’ intern.
I don’t flirt with hot interns. They flirt with me : )
In the kitchen at work today, I was watching tv during my lunch hour. I put on ESPN to see how my fantasy baseball team is doing, which is pretty much the only highlight of my shitty day. All of the sudden, this little weiner comes in and changes the channel to Spongebob Squarepants. I was speechless at first, so I just used the remote to change it back. Without any warning, the kid turns around and screams “PUT SPONGEBOB BACK ON!!! I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THIS!!!” Without thinking I yelled back “We’re not watching your crappy show, so quit your whining and get the hell out of here!” The kid ran out crying and the next person to come into the kitchen was my boss who asked “Excuse me, Chris. Have you seen my son? I thought he was just in here.” Well that was ten minutes ago and I’m sure he’ll find out soon enough.
Editor 3:52 pm on July 31, 2009 Permalink |
At least you’re the intern who hits home runs!
tucker laurens 3:59 pm on July 31, 2009 Permalink |
Staples are a diminishing resource. This intern is very green minded.
Z 4:06 pm on July 31, 2009 Permalink |
You are a real innovative and forward thinking intern, sir!